So, I pull up to the criterium course in Pleasanton and I notice a couple of riders pointing at me…interesting.
I get out of my car and I start walking to reg, and again, riders pointing at me – but this time they are giggling!
I stop and make sure I don’t have toilet paper stuck to my shoe, or worse, dragging ten feet behind me from my pants…..
Nope, all clean. I’m good.
Then “POW” “CRASH” and all sorts of breaking carbon noises happen, the sounds that bike racers hate to hear happen in the race that is in progress. Someone yells “medic” and all sorts of Vietnam area Huey helecopters start landing everywhere while one rider clutching the stub that is left of his arm screams “I think I am hit!” and I can hear guys yelling “medic!” everywhere. There is moaning as guys dragthemselves across the ground missing limbs, bodies partially scourched..
I go back to my car and send an email to my team ‘Sorry guys, I’m not racing, I am pulling the plug.’ -not because I was scared, but because I am riding a borrowed bike.
I immediatly get a text from Nate Freed “You can’t pull the plug after that ‘This is Sparta’ email you sent to the team. They will have to switch whatever picture is next to the word ‘PANZIE’ in the dictionary and put your photo there.”
Great, I just got heavily influenced by 6th grade pure pressure.
Anyway, I go warm up, somehow figure out how to calibrate a power meter thing, get the numbers – and have no clue what they mean.
Everything is normal for the necxt hour. I go to the line, get called up, and when I get up there the podium girls are just busting up – like I put my underwear outside my pants on accident again or something. Interesting..
The race starts and my plan is to just drift back and enjoy the ride, but it does not seem like anyone wants to move forward, and before I know it, there is a group of six of us up the road. Not tottaly what I wanted because I havn’t trained all week and I felt terrible and really just wanted to sit in, but being off the front is way better than risking dying in a fiery crash in the field.
This is where I use tim Westmore’s tweets @CrankingGlass
This is when Cris Stastny said “Chuck, I gotta get something off my chest. Have you seen that new district champ jersey? It is hideous! Nobody in Northern California wants to win the championship because they risk having to wear that thing for a year!”
Right after he said that all of the riders from NorCal shook their heads in agreement. Then Tim tweeted:
We were all looking at eachother and then..
I thought to myself, “how bad could that jersey look? So…
Then I realized all the Nor Cal guys in the break sat up I think Tyler Dibble said “Chuck, have fun wearing that jersey a six year old girl who is is known for her expert rainbow and cloud crayon drawing designed!” as he drifted back to the field.
Stastny then yelled,”Chuck, let’s go – but you have to win, I under no circumstances want to have to wear that thing!”
Not being from Nor Cal, the Cash Call guys bridged up. They had no fear of having to wear the silliest jersey ever in the United States for a year
suddenly Statsny sits up, not wanting to risk winning the jersey. The smaller Cash Call rider attacks, I catch him with two turns to go. The taller Cash Call rider holds my wheel and comes around me after the last turn and…
After the race, we do the real podium, spray the crowd with champaign and all that cool stuff. The the district Championship podium, and they give me the California State Champ Jersey with the bear and all. I’m thinking that this actually turned out well!
As I am walking away, one of the race staff chasses me down and says “you have to give that jersey back – here is the order form for the jersey you get.” It had a picture of the jersey on it, it was so silly and ugly I thought it was a joke – and I reluctantly gave her back the awsome bear jersey.
I found out latter that a little girl designed it, with crayons. She was well renowned in kindergarten circles for her ability to draw unicorns and rainbows. Turns out she was using the jersey as an opportunity to refine her ability to draw shooting stars.
I think all of the winners of the Championships in NorCal should boycott this jersey and order this one from Voler: